Moving and loosing

It has been another while since my last N3. Well, life is so hectic n i wouldn't even have time to blog out my mind. But, today, @ this moment i really need to pen off some of them on this blog canvas. The last 5 days, were full of precious stories and memories. When we decided to move to our new "nest" and @ the same time something so sad had happened.

It started on 2nd Nov when my beloved cousin sister rang me in the morning, telling that she missed me a lot and would like to chat. I promised to call her that night before my bedtime so that we can chat longer and more relax. The same day evening, I noticed to get her few miscalled from her. Poorly, my handphone been having speaker problem. So, I kind of postpone to call her to use my hubby phone instead. When I got through her, pretty shocking for me, she told me her husband was found unconcious and driven to the hospital emergency unit.

After discussion with hubby, I decided to fly to KB to meet her @ the HKB. It was a round-trip, morning departure and evening arrive back to KL. So here start my day 1.

Day 1(4th Nov)

I already applied for one day off to move to our new nest. So, wasn't a problem to be away. Catch the earliest flight to KB. Soon, arrived at HKB I was so surprise to see my "lil" cousin sis (who is actually bigger than me in size). She was all drained out. Depressed. Frustrated. Confused. I know that she just pretended that she is strong, while actually she just want to cry out loud her feeling. At this time, i pity her for the lackness of understanding from people around her. Gosh! They forgot to support her. Visitors came in and out to visit her husband, but they are also putting her under stressed. I was glad that i can companied her for almost a day. We chat. I listened to her. How desperately she need to let out her anxiety, her worries, her thought, her sadness. I just let her talk. Soon she started to feel better, we went to the ER. He recognized me. We shaked hand. Told him that i was there and waiting for him to wake again. 5pm i made my move to airport to catch flight to KL.

Day2(5th Nov)

It was a public holiday since Malaysian celebrated Deepavali. So, I just slept and take some rest then continue packing things up since we plan to move in the next day. Talked to my cousin in the morning and relieved to hear that her husband showed some progress. That evening, i didn't call her. To make things worst i offline my phone to recharge the battery.

Day3(6th)

I slept again after morning pray. I only woke when Min (my maid) knocked on the door telling my BIL called telling that somebody (my relative) passed away. I was so shocked. Online my phone and when i called my lil cousin, her husband just passed away this very morning. I am lost. What should I do. After discussion me and hubby decided to drive back to KK. Alhamdulillah, we arrived before the burial and take a rest at my SIL place.

Day4(7th)

Drove back to KL. Another journey. It would be a fun if its just makan2 angin. But for this time, it was hard for both me and hubby. Managed to arrive in KL for appointment with K Rin and invited for lunch at my BIL place.

Day5(8th)

I took off. Early morning, moving truck wait in front of our door. So just throw in what ever we had packed and finally moved into our new nest "NO 57 SAUJANA VILLA ".

So, there goes my hectic and depressing 5 days last week. Thank Allah for giving us the strength to get through this.

Eid Ul-Fitr 2010

This year Eid, we celebrate privately in our nest. Just the 5 of us and our helper. A lot of things happened before Eid lead us to decide to have an isolate celebration. I think only a jerk who doesn't want to be with families during this season. However for us, it was unavoidable. Here's our Raya chronology :))
Syawal 01
After having a light breakfast we went for Eid solah, following with "bermaaf-maafan" session, "duit raya" session (girls can't wait on this), then off to our brother's home nearby. Lucky to have his in-laws family around so that, we can join the celebration. Evening, back to house and we fell a sleep with full stomach.
Syawal 02
Me and ayang can't stand the girls sad look for not "balik kampung" this year. Called S*iss G*rden, Kuantan for room reservation. It's all HIS plan, for we managed to get the room during this season. 2 pm, off we go to the east!!! Me, ayang, the girls and Min, we were very happy to release our tense in the pool, on the beach, and of course the meal as well.
Syawal 03
Back to our nest. KLrian started to be back, more lighted houses in our residence :)
Syawal 04
Me and ayang started our job on new house. For this whole week, it was all about the tiles, the floor, the glasses, the frames, the curtains, the lights, the paint, the wall etc. etc.....which was so tiring but satisfying.
.
.
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Its already Syawal 15. Still didn't start fasting yet. Am looking foward to do it. Weekend would be very pack with the KLrian Hari Raya celebration. Yes!!! It's becoming a ritual here. OPEN HOUSE!! May Allah bless those houses and people.

Haa...there I go. After a long silence....

The Al-Mighty

My last entry was about "kenanga" and my late grandmother. Happened to be something really came-up. Thank God, Alhamdulillah.....my instinct was correct on the "SIGN". It was a sign from God. Semog kami diberi kekuatan untuk menghadapi dugaanMu ini. Amin.
I'll post the story some other time, when I am stronger. I'll sure will do that, to remind me again and again.

Nenek dan Kenanga

Arwah nenek yang ku panggil Mak, sangat sukakan bunga. Di usia emasnya, dirinya sentiasa harum dengan bau bunga-bunga semerbak. Mak tak guna perfume mahal-mahal. Bunga melur, bunga kenanga, bunga cempaka, boleh dikatakan semua bunga harum menjadi kegemaran Mak. Di dalam sejadah, di bawah bantal, di atas katil, sekeliling nya sentiasa harum. Aku sangat suka. Hingga kini, setiap kali melihat kenanga, pasti terkenangkan arwah. Sesungguhnya arwah dan kenanga itu punya kaitan yang sangat rapat.

Suatu ketika, di saat aku hampir-hampir lupa, hampir-hampir leka dengan kesibukan duniawi, terasa diri mula kosong. Terasa diri mula jauh. Jauh dari DIA, dan juga dia. Kalau kasih NYA tak dapat ku tawan, apatah kasih seorang manusia yang sekadar pinjaman. Kala itu, harum kenanga, harum kemboja, harum melor akan hinggap di hidungku. Meski di sekitar ku tiada sebarang bunga. Deriaku tetap menghidu bau harum semerbak. Naluriku berkata, pasti ada sesuatu yang Mak cuba sampaikan pada ku.

Ya, supaya aku bergerak lebih perlahan. Bergerak lebih berhati-hati. Menghidupkan indera kurniaan NYA dan mencari punca setiap kelalaian. Kasih ku pada NYA berbalas tatkala deriaku menghidu semerbak harum bunga kegemaran Mak. DIA menyentuh hati ku, menyedarkan ku akan kesilapan diri agar lebih berhati-hati di masa hadapan. Dan Mak, aku percaya, tetap di sisi membimbing dan memberi petunjuk seperti selalu buat diri ku.

If I Were A Boy

Bear with me for i need to let it go. I need to let it out. It's too burdening, burning inside and killing my sanity. Whatever it is, this ain't no good. It is not healthy. The mind and feeling are not getting along. I tried to reason myself, tried to comfort myself, tried to talk to my mind..but this feeling is so strong. What should i do? I've been listening to Beyonce since this morning. This song can't get out of my brain and has made things worse i guess. It's da*n so true. Too true.....till i feel so sad. I'm very very very very very upset now. Let this song express my feeling.

~IF I WERE A BOY~
If I were a boy even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted
And go drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it
‘cause they stick up for me
If were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
‘cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
‘cause he’s taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
‘cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waiting for me to come home, to come home
If were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
‘cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
‘cause he’s taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say it’s just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong
But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
And you don’t understand, oh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
‘cause you’re taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you’re just a boy

The Power of Persuasion

I've been reading this book lately. Since my last meeting with an old-fren i've been graving for this type of stuff. It's like another part of me that has been missing for years. And talking about this power of persuasion, one day after coming back from work my lil Sophea awaited at the front grill with her sweet soothing voices :

"Mak bertenang ye mak...bertenang ye."
I wonder, what did she'd done today. There must be something she's up to. All the while, my maid unlocked the grill, i got in and when i sat down,i noticed Sophea was having "keropok lekor". I knew this shouldn't be from our stock, so i asked my maid. Here's the story.

Sophea: Kak min, kak min. (panggilan manja dia la tu). Kak min ada duit tak?
My maid : (amazed by her idea.but continued asking her) Kenapa?
Sophea : Opie rasa macam nak makan keropok pisang goreng laa.....

Hahahah....she managed to make my maid went out buying keropok lekor at a nearby corner in our residence. FIY, my maid almost never went out the house except to dispose rubbish or taking lil Sophea for an evening walk once in a moon. I was amazed. You see, this very little child knows how to melt people heart to follow her will.

Tuah Pribumi

A lady came into my office today.
"Assalamualaikum, boleh saya jumpa Cik M?"
"Maaf Cik M masih belum balik lagi. Ada apa tu?" balas saya.
"Saya kira, Puan juga boleh bantu..." balas wanita baya kakak ku.
"Begini......" maka dia memulakan ceritanya. Mengenai anaknya yang sedang menuntut di universiti di Jepun dengan biayaan sendiri. Tanpa sebarang bantuan kewangan daripada mana-mana pihak. Dan kini anaknya dalam proses memohon biasiswa setelah hampir 5 tahun self-sustaining (2 yrs kursus persediaan + 3 yrs diploma) and now dia melanjutkan ke pringkat ijazah. Saya terkedu. Wanita ini dan suaminya adalah pemegang kad pengenalan merah.
Saya kagum. Kagum dengan semangat kental wanita ini. Bukan mudah menghantar anak melanjutkan pelajaran ke Jepun dengan biayaan sendiri. Yuran pengajian sahaja puluhan ribu ringgit setahun, belum termasuk lain-lain keperluan. Masya-Allah besar sungguh pengorbanan ibu ini. Masya-Allah hebat sungguh anak wanita ini. Saya bantu sekadar yang termampu dengan harapan usaha wanita dan anak ini dirahmati Allah dan dipermudahkan urusannya.
ps* I can't stop comparing the situation with my current students...how lucky they are...."

New Home

Today's entry is about our new home. Scheduled to be done in early August this year. Insya-Allah. Currently we are living in our double storey terrace house, bought almost 10 years ago. We were still in Japan when we bought this house. At that moment, we were pretty satisfied with the house. I guess the Japan's "sarang burung" apartment educated us in honouring space more, that our current home seems huge enuff to acomodate the 4 of us. However, things changed when family member increased and having a full-time helper in the house, we started to look for a more spacious home. But, the price, the house and the location never get along well. After a rather long searchs, we finally founded Karisma. The best thing about this new home, is that it's still in the same area. I've fall in love with this area indeed. Today, I'd be glad to introduce my new home.

Overall Town-ship Concept by Developer

Our House Type - Karisma

Some of the inside-view

*Above photoes taken from I-Property.com

If everything work out as expected, this year Ramadhan & Syawal will be celebrated in this new home. There come another issue, how to decorate this home with our very very tiny limited budget???ahahahahah

SOULMATE

According to my Wikipedia search, a soulmate is: somebody with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join. One theory of soulmates, presented by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, is that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them.

In Islam, Adam is made as what we are today and from his left ribs Eve has been made as his life partner. My meeting with an old friend who is a psychologist draw my attention on this matter. Looking at my life partner, I questioned myself, "Is he my soulmate?". To have an intimate relation, affection, or even body relation with other human being is common as long we are called human i.e. in Science classified in animal family. When two people (animal) meet, testing one another, confirming each needs may led them to an agreement of sharing. Sharing their life, tie up in a commitment, so called "marriage". Sometimes the partner's compatibility only at the early phase of marriage. If marriage knot is between two people, I guess the two must grow up together, evolve together, connecting and updating together....never leave one of you behind or stop when one of you is still running. We may not run together all the time, but we may take turn like the baton touch in a marathon, so the other half can support more and prepare the next step when the other half need a pit-stop.

I sometimes worry if I've given too much (emotionally) in my relation. But, here is my psychologist friends words "Enjoy the previllage when he is around you. Deal with the problem when it comes. Don't worry about what is not happening....live the best.." . At least I know, I have somewhere to turn when I need to do that. And for now, I am so blessed and thank Allah for having a partner who is compatible in our needs. Perhaps, he is the other half of me, my soulmate......

21.02.2010

There comes another day...another birthday to remember. Alhamdulillah, thank Allah for giving me another opportunity to be with my loves. Alhamdulillah, thanks to all my frens who wished me another prosperous and happy year.Thanks to ayang for buying me those presents and of course the yummy cake...and the unforgettable night-strolling @ GEC(Genting Entertainment City).It was awesome and the treat was unexpected :). Thanks to my lovely daughters for the wishes and appreciation to be my daughter and me to be your mom. I'm touched....sob..sob... and finally alhamdulillah, thanks to mek & arwah abah for bringing me to this world....

I used to share my birthday cake with somebody far older than me. We share the same birthdate...he always teased me to be very old with my petit appearance as he's bigger than me...and later only I understood the mechanism. hehe...kanak-kanak....
Last but not least is my wish to my belate brother

Zaidi Mustafa(21.02.1963-3.05.2005)

May you rest in peace, Al-Fatihah...

New Family Member

March 2002 Honda Stream
Our very first MPV. Still in good condition.It Ma's car.
September 2009 Toyota Caldina Zt
Pa's dream car. Finally, 100% from Japan.
Feb 2010 Proton Savvy MLine 1.2 AMT
Welcome to our third baby, our "TOWN-CAR". After loosing our WIRA back then in late 1998, perhaps this is our least hope to national car. Hey, the drive feeling isn't that bad for a mini car.

HAPPY 14TH ANNIVESARY

Today is our anniversary. After being together for 13years and knowing each other for almost 16 years, my pray is still the same.

Dear me & ayang, semoga cinta dan kasih kita kekal hingga akhir hayat. Semoga cinta dan kasih kita kekal mendapat keredhaan Nya...Amiin.愛してる!! ayang大好き～
Message from ayang this morning: ~SELAMANYA LOVE AYANG~

Nukilan hati 12.02.

今のうち書こう。忘れないうちに書こう。そう、書こう。
さて、何を書くの？実はここにだけ胸を晴らしたいと思って書きたいと思っている。生きている人間誰に関係はあるかもけれど、その人について書くわけじゃない。書くのは、自分のことだ。自分が、周りの人の影響を受けて、今どんな気持ち？
明日、２月１２日は結婚記念日だ。親の猛反対を押し切って結婚してから１４年目に突入するところだ。今思えば、わたしたちは普通以上にこの結婚を守ろうとしている。常に自分たちのアンテナを利かせて相手のことを察しするかのように互いのことを気遣う。しかし、最近になってこれって「普通？」「疲れないのかな？」なんだか、ちょっと疲れているような気がする。それは、実を言うをある友人からこんな話を聞いてから気づいたことだ。
「あんたとだけ話したい」
「何？」
「会ってから話す」
「深刻？」
「うん。ちょっとプライベートな問題。絶対にあんたに話したい」
「は～わかった。じゃ、今度会おう」
友達に会ったら、
「お前、何？旦那さんとでも喧嘩したの」私のserkap jarang
急に友達が泣き出した。
「おい、大丈夫かよ」
「大丈夫じゃない。あんたの言ったとおりよ」
「そう…」
しばらく、友人は自分のことを話した。聞いている自分が胸が苦しくなった。あ～とても苦しい。大好きな友人、とても大切な存在の人がこんな目にあっているなんて、どいうふうに反応すればいいか、一瞬分からない。最悪のことに、彼女は第３者の存在を認めた。最近心がトキメイタって。あの頃のように、トキメイタって。しかし、相手は違う。旦那さんじゃない。どうしよう？！！これって、あっていいことなの。自分を問い詰める自分。ふと、それを思った自分が、あることに気づいた。やはり、長年夫婦生活に慣れると、お互いの気遣いもなくなるし、心のトキメキもなくなるものだな。だから、疲れてもいいから、めんどくさくてもいいから、忘れずにいることが大切だな～なんて思います。
Erti sebuah perkahwinan. Alangkah anehnya kejadian ini. Seorang lain dibawa ke dalam hidup sebagai pasangan yang sah dari segi syarak, hubungan zahir dan batin yang halal, berkongsi segalanya dalam hidup, setelah masa berlalu boleh bertukar menjadi orang lain. Apakah orang lain tetap orang lain biarpun pernah bersatu hidup? Alangkah anehnya kejadian ini.


~nukilan hatiku~

Alangkah anehnya kejadian ini
Aku wanita kau lelaki
Di bawah janji bersaksikan Ilahi
Kita bersatu…berkongsi hati dan perasaan
Mengharungi sebuah kehidupan
Dan bila masa beredar…
Kau lelaki…
Kau alpa aku wanita
Kau alpa aku yang kau cinta
Kau alpa aku yang kau puja
Dan aku wanita
Punya hati yang tak bermulut
Perasaan yang tak bisa berkata
Hanya mata yang menggambar rasa
Mata yang tak kau tenung dalam
Mata yang kau lihat hanya setelah ku terpejam
Lantas maksud tersirat turut lena
Diulit mimpi malam
Alangkah aneh kejadian ini
Dua hati satu jiwa……
kini satu hati dua jiwa……
Kerana haluan berbeza
walau matlamat tetap satu...... ~dazz~

今日は終了式の日です

ＡＡＪの２年生の皆さん、
ご卒業おめでとうございます！！！！
ＡＡＪの２年間の生活は、今振り返ればあっという間に感じるかもしれないけど、実際みんなが過ごしているときは、さぞ大変だったでしょうね。思えば、どこにもない過酷な学習期間ですが、よくも頑張って、よくも日本語を覚えて、今では日本語が上手に話せるものですね。周りが褒めてくれたとき、先生はやはり、胸が温かく、鼻が高く感じることを抑えられませんね。「やっぱ、私の学生だわ」って言いたくなります。これからも、みなさん、日本でいっぱい勉強して、いっぱい遊んで、失敗もするかもしれない、うれしいこともそれに負けないぐらいたくさんあるかもしれない、ゆっくり一つ一つその時間を味わえてください。これからがお楽しみにです。さて、ここからはマレー語です。

Another year passed means this is my 4th "SHUURYOSHIKI" in AAJ. Can see students' shining faces when their names announced. The way the said "HAIT" when the name was announced varied. I can feel the level of confidence in their voices. As usual, my pray is : for them not to loose their confidence and faith in what they've decided to do before stepping into this world. And of course to be able to continue the challenge no matter how high the hurdles they might face.

As for me, here I am. Sitting at the "Sensei's bench". Still at the same place, still with the same feeling, still with the same people around. :(sigh) My students are moving foward, why I should stay here....no wonder Malay old proverb said:
"GURU ITU UMPAMA LILIN YG MEMBAKAR DIRI UNTUK MENERANGI ORANG LAIN". But, i guess i am not good at playing the same game,in the same court, with the same people for a long time. Need some new air. Need some refreshment............

Welcome 2010

Salam Maal Hijrah (a lil bit late may be) and of course a very HAPPY NEW YEAR to whoever celebrating it. Another new year, another new adventure and of course I gained another kg.

Last year past so quickly. Looking back there, me and hubby had had a hectic year for our Fatin sat for UPSR. With 6 hours of tuition every weekend and supports, alhamdulillah she managed to score what she always wanted. At least, the results helped her increased lil-bit of her self-confidence.Consequences, we sent her to SMK(P) Sri Aman in PJ, caused me to travel early morning Monday to Friday. Means, mom cannot get sick. Fortunately, she loves the school. That's the most important part in schooling, I guess. School need to be a fun place for children to indulge and search for as much knowledge they want without limitation. And teachers supposed to be the person they cannot wait to meet to answer to all of their questions. I am glad and thankful, and to be frank give me the feeling that マレーシアの学校もなかなかやるんじゃない！捨てたもんじゃないね。Well how do I translate this part? I'll do it some other time.

Next, bout me....another year coming. Got lil bit early birthday present from Ayang. Something that well, I myself won't spent on. Anyway, thank you ayang..ok let me put a part of it here. See..how does it goes??


K...till then, I pray to Allah that this year would be another great year for our family and of course to all my dear friends and family. Chao!!!